Bracelets- Threads
I always go out of my way to stay out of the girl drama. In high school I pretty much surrounded myself with mostly guy friends because they were so much easier for me to get a long with. I steer clear of clicks and groups and have always had a great eclectic mix of friends.
In high school I had a really good friend who had a lot of the same feelings that I did, and we just clicked. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding and we went through a lot of things together. But this is where the story gets kind of sticky. For the past two years, this friend and I haven't spoken. She had hurt my feelings really bad and I had gotten really upset. I'm really easy going when it comes to that kind of stuff, because I hate drama, but this time I couldn't shake it off. So last year when my friend asked me why we weren't talking very much anymore I told her. In a huge fat long text message. I told her everything, and expected that she would take ownership of her actions, and then we could finally move forward. But that text back from her never came. I waited. And waited. And it never came.
Until 4th of July of this year. She text me and told me she missed me and was remembering a previous vacation we had taken on that holiday together a few years before. I hadn't heard from her for a long time, and got upset again that she thought she could just never address what I had told her had hurt my feelings so bad the year before. I was running through the rain, it was a chaotic day, and I just never took the time to reply. I didn't know what to say.
Yesterday I decided that I would text her back. It was the first time in two years that I reached out to her again. She asked why I hadn't been talking to her, and I told her that after she disregarded everything I had sent her about how she had hurt me, I figured she was done and that our friendship was over.
She didn't have a clue as to what I was talking about. She never got the text. She didn't even know how bad she had hurt me.
An hour conversation and a whole lot of making up later, I realized a very important lesson.
We all hold grudges on different things, and people, and experiences that have happened to us. We gossip and get snoody and relationships get ruined because if it. I think that a lot of the time, the person who has offended us doesn't even know it. I've been on the other side of the fence too, when I completely hurt someone's feelings and had no idea until they told me. Clear communication is so important, and expressing ourselves to the people that are close to us is the only way that we will be able to strengthen our relationships.
Yes, there's a lot of people who do mean things just to do them, and don't like you out of jealousy and whatever else... But there's also situations in which your offender might not even know it.
Gosh I'm so happy to have this friend back in my life. Two years lost is a long time, some of you might have a streak that's even longer. Make it right. Swallow your pride.
And don't do it over a stupid text message.
17 comments:
I couldn't agree more, holding grudges is never worth your time and you can lose out on so much.
I'm glad to hear that you and your friend are back to having each other and talking!
i needed to hear this. thank you so much!
I really needed to read this today! I've had a similar situation with one of my friends, we have actually had an off and on relationship that has been very hard for me to cope with. After several years of dealing with this I finally just had to tell her everything I was feeling. I still don't know how it is going to turn out, but it is still good to get my true feelings out there.
I'm so happy that your friendship ended up working out. It never feels good when there is unsettled feelings or to lose a great friend.
I lost my best friend of 12 years over holding a grudge. We had a fight over something stupid and she broke up our friendship over and email.
It hurt so badly. I told her off back through an email and then directed all of her emails to be deleted forever so that if she did respond I wouldn't have to see it.
A few years later I found out through Facebook that she was pregnant. It broke my heart. We'd been through junior high, high school and college together. We'd braved first break ups, first times having sex and marriage together. I knew her family and she knew mine and at my wedding she gave a speech that reminded me about how much history we had together.
I sent her a letter and told her I missed her and congratulated her on another step in her life.
She sent me a card back thanking me. And although she expressed regret for the end of our friendship, she didn't want to repair it.
That broke my heart. And over a year later I am still so sad.
When our friendship first ended, I was angry and protective of my heart and stubborn. I decided I was better off without her even though a lot of what she said in her break up email was true.
It kills me to know that I lost the best friend I will probably ever have. All over being silly and holding a grudge.
I am so happy that you were able to repair your friendship. Life is too short and precious to hold a grudge.
Girl, you are so wise. I, sadly, have had a few situations like this and your words here inspire me to make ammends in life when misunderstandings happen.
you're a gem, sweet girl!
ps - loving threads :)
miscommunication can be the worst. something like this happened to me once before - and it was so much better when we were able to talk it out!
p.s. looking beautiful as always, my friend!
Glad you have rekindled your friendship - conflicts like that are so tough.
And man, that really just highlights one downside of using electronic messages. I've learned not to get offended or upset when I don't get an e-mail or text reply. You can never be totally sure if it went through. I've had applications accidentally caught by spam filters, messages misplaced, etc, on both sides of things.
Thanks for this post - you amazingly never cease to inspire me and the rest of your readers.
i whole-heartedly agree, and i think we've all been there. at least i know i have!
i sorted out an issue with a really good friend recently that had started off as something silly but had grown as a result of us giving each other space.
and i want to believe that it is all sorted i truly do but i have a horrible feeling it will never be the same as i still feel like my points weren't listened to properly. but maybe i shouldn't be so quick to judge and just give it time and see.
I absolutely love this Ashley. I lost my best friend of 15 years over a fight because she hated my boyfriend. We went to middle school and high school together, were college roommates all 4 years and I was even her maid of honor in her wedding. Her mom and my mom were best friends too and stopped talking because of us. It was just sad all around.
I eventually broke up with the guy she didn't approve of FOR her and she turned around, became friends with him and stabbed me in the back out of spite. We haven't talked in over 3 years and I still hold such a huge grudge that I sadly can't let go.
Maybe one day I'll be able to reach out to her, but I think its times like this you find out who your true friends are and I can definitely do without "high school" drama :)
This is a really great post. I went through a time like this with a friend, and I still feel like she never acknowledged that she was in the wrong. But the day I decided to finally meet with her and 'break up' with her, I released it all and realized that working hard to keep a great friendship is a whole lot better than holding a grudge and losing her.
I'm so glad I've been able to keep my besties in my life because we got over grudges. I, like you, can't stand all the drama! I'm glad you have your friend back :)
one of the BEST posts you've written. your stories are sooo relatable, thanks for always sharing!
xo.
This happened to me recently. Something happened at the end of last year and my best friend let it. In fact by the sounds she was behind this upsetting incident.
I tried to "let go" straight away, but then all these other little things happened, so after another, smaller incident I just kinda through my hands up in the air and thought "I'm done".
We haven't spoken since. I'm still not over it. I still feel upset, hurt, mad and like maybe there was more stress being her friend?
I dunno. I wish I was ready to give it another shot, but for right now I just don't think I can...
i love this post. and your hair. but i like your hair and your posts all the time, so that's no surprise.
holding grudges is something that i need to work on! i think that it's better to remember the compliments that people gave you instead of holding a grudge against one thing that they said.
i recently hurt someone's feelings, (a text sent to the wrong person. ouch.) it wasn't anything major, but i expected her to hold a little grudge against me. but she totally didn't. she just talked to me about it and shook it off. and that's what i'm going to do next time i get my feelings hurt. :)
I had a very similar experience lately!
I couldn't have read this at a better time! Me and the boyfriend had an unusualy grumpy/annoyed weekend this weekend culminating with a missed text communication error. It may not have been two years, but letting go of anger, after however long is never "easy".
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