Sometimes pictures can't portray what you're feeling or thinking. Only words can. So today, I am sticking to words. Maybe some of you are going through the test of patience, too, and maybe these words will give you hope. I hope they give me hope, because things are getting a little crazy over here.
I censor what I write on this space a little bit. I was going to share with you this story after it ended. When I had an amazing miracle to share and would be able to strengthen you and say whatever you're going through, hang in there. Be patient. It all works out. But I've realized that sometimes the miracles aren't just the grand finale end result. Sometimes the miracles are the things you learn along the way. And boy, am I learning. I think my perspective on my current situation will be different when it's all over. And that's not fair to you, or me, to skip over the parts that are hard.
Think about the last time you saw something you really wanted to change. Not something that you saw and pitied for a moment, but something that really, really rocked your core. Maybe you saw one of the "Sponsor this child in Africa" commercials and it made you weep, or maybe it was when you went to the pound and felt sick for all the animals that were trapped and neglected. Maybe you want to change the adoption process, or gave a dollar to the homeless man on the street, and felt something shiver inside of you when he looked you in the eye. Maybe you have seen abuse, or have been abused, or even abuse yourself. And you want to fix it, you want to fix all the pain, and hurt, and insane things that happen in the world but it's beyond your control. And you feel helpless.
Those feelings that you have felt at some intense moment in your life are what I feel every.single.day. Going to students houses, picking them up, seeing their family life, listening to their stories, loving them, crying with them, changing with them. It's all so very, very overwhelming sometimes. It's overwhelming because I want the process to happen faster. I want to be able to employ more kids now, to give more scholarships now, to fix their whole lives and make their life feel like Disneyland with a cherry on top, now.
It's been so fun to have all of you be a part of the process with me. To share the story of The Shine Project and Threads, and have us all move along with it from the very beginning is something that I'm really grateful for. And I hope it inspires you to go after what your passion is because there's nothing greater. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I've never had such a powerful feeling about anything in my life (except marrying Mike) than I have had with starting Threads.
We've slowly been making changes so that Threads can become what it needs to be. Two weeks ago we felt strongly that we needed to sell our place and move into downtown Phoenix. For a number of reasons, this move will help Threads become more successful, and most importantly, take me closer to the students that we're working with. It will save a lot of time.
We found the perfect home. Just renovated, in our price range, perfect location, oh my goodness I wanted it so bad. We put our condo up for sale and put in an offer on the house. We felt good about it.
The house we wanted sold. Unfortunately, not to us.
I felt scared and worried about not finding another place because the market in Phoenix is crazy right now. But that night I had a dream. I dreamed that our condo sold, and we found the perfect place for us. I woke up so calm, so excited, and so hopeful.
About 15 minutes after I woke up, we got a phone call. We had an offer on our condo. Our condo sold in four days. Four!
I started to panic. I thought it would at least take a month and would give us time to find somewhere to live.
I remembered my dream. It will be okay.
I can't tell you how many houses we've looked at. Three weeks ago I told my husband I don't know how life could get any busier than it had been... I think I cursed myself because it has shown me how much crazier it can actually get.
This weekend we found a house. Actually, right up the street from the first one we wanted. I am in love with it. As we were going to make an offer on it today, we found out some news that completely has now changed everything.
And it will take a miracle to get this home.
Which leaves us still with nowhere to live. And it's scary. Really scary. Especially when I'm running a new business and have weeks before we have to be out of our condo. I drive about 20 hours a week picking up bracelets and dropping off supplies to students houses. It has created a lot of craziness, and moving closer will solve that problem and allow me to focus on other important things.
Today my mom told me that I need more patience. I said "It's hard to be patient when you know how things are supposed to be. It's hard to sit back and wait when you know there's a better way. I'm not patient because when I recognize that something needs to change, I don't want to waste any time making it change."
And that's why I think patience and miracles go hand in hand. If we didn't have to wait, and if we didn't feel like we were at the end of our rope, our desired outcomes wouldn't taste as sweet. We'd lose a lot of gratitude and a lot of humility and would think we could make everything happen on our own.
But the thing is, we can't. So we're given opportunities to remember that.
I think that's where the miracle lies. Maybe the miracle isn't so much the big event that we're praying for. Maybe the purpose of a miracle is to help us build more faith along the way. To change us in a way that we couldn't be changed any other way. I think the miracles are the times when we find hope when we feel overwhelmed, and confused, and frustrated. Miracles happen every day, but sometimes we aren't patient enough to find them.
I have a hard time letting life happen to me. I like being in control. I like knowing, and commanding, and having confidence in a really good plan.
These moments are what help me remember that my plan isn't always the best plan. And I'm trying to see the little miracles along the way.
Patience. Shine on. And have more patience.